Hey dear mama,
Can we have a heart-to-heart about something that’s been heavy on my mind lately? I keep hearing from women who feel like they’re drowning in the demands of motherhood and struggling to know how to love their husbands well in this season. Maybe that’s you today – feeling pulled in a million directions, exhausted from sleepless nights, and wondering how on earth you’re supposed to be a good wife when you can barely keep your eyes open.
I see you, friend. I’ve been there – standing in the kitchen at 6 PM with a crying baby on my hip, a toddler tugging at my leg, dinner burning on the stove, and my husband walking through the door to what feels like chaos. In those moments, the last thing on my mind was being a biblical wife. I was just trying to survive.
But here’s what I’ve learned through both the beautiful and messy parts of this journey: loving our husbands biblically doesn’t mean being perfect wives. It means bringing our whole selves – including our tiredness, our struggles, and our limitations – into our marriage with grace, wisdom, and intentionality.
Let’s talk about what this actually looks like when you’re living on three hours of sleep and the laundry basket is overflowing.
Understanding Biblical Love in This Season
When we talk about loving our husbands biblically, we often think about passages like Ephesians 5 or Proverbs 31. And while those are important, I think we sometimes read them through the lens of having unlimited time and energy. The reality is that biblical love in the season of raising children looks different than it does in other seasons – and that’s okay.
Biblical love is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4). In the parenting season, this might mean being patient with your husband when he doesn’t immediately understand why you’ve been crying over spilled cereal, or being kind in your words even when you’re frustrated that he got to use the bathroom alone.
Biblical love seeks the good of the other person (1 Corinthians 13:5). This might mean recognizing that your husband also needs encouragement and affirmation, even when you feel like you have nothing left to give.
Biblical love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:7). In practical terms, this means we’re in this together for the long haul, supporting each other through the hardest seasons of parenting.
The beautiful truth is that God understands our limitations. He knows you’re running on fumes. He sees your heart to love well even when your actions fall short. His grace covers the gap between our intentions and our reality.
Respect: What It Looks Like When You’re Touched Out and Tired
Ephesians 5:33 tells wives to respect their husbands, but what does respect look like when you haven’t had a conversation about anything other than diaper rash in three days?
Respect doesn’t mean agreeing with everything. It means speaking to and about your husband in ways that honor him, even when you’re discussing different approaches to parenting or household responsibilities.
Respect looks like acknowledging his efforts. When he changes a diaper, feeds the baby, or handles bedtime routine, thank him. Not because these are extraordinary acts (they’re part of parenting), but because acknowledgment builds connection.
Respect means including him in decisions. When you’re home with the kids all day, it’s easy to start making all the decisions – what they eat, their schedules, discipline approaches. But bringing your husband into these conversations (even briefly) shows that you value his input as their father.
Respect includes physical affection that doesn’t lead anywhere. I know, I know – you might be “touched out” and the last thing you want is someone else needing something from your body. But a hand on his shoulder, a quick hug, or holding his hand while watching Netflix can communicate love and connection without pressure.
Practical Ways to Love Well in the Chaos
Start with Small Gestures
You don’t need grand romantic gestures when you’re in survival mode. Small, consistent acts of love matter more than occasional big ones.
Text him during the day. Even something simple like “thinking of you” or “the kids did something cute today” shows he’s on your mind beyond just logistics.
Greet him when he comes home. I know it’s hard when the kids are melting down and dinner needs attention, but taking 30 seconds to actually look at him and say “I’m glad you’re home” sets a different tone.
Ask about his day and actually listen. Even if it’s just for two minutes while you’re folding laundry, showing interest in his world beyond your family unit is important.
Leave little notes. In his lunch, on his pillow, or even just a text during his commute. “Praying for your meeting today” or “You’re a great dad” takes seconds but can change his whole day.
Create Micro-Moments of Connection
When long conversations and date nights aren’t possible, look for small moments throughout the day:
Morning coffee together – even if it’s just five minutes before the kids wake up Bedtime check-ins – asking how each other’s day really was Cooking together – letting him help with dinner while you talk Walking together – even if it’s just to check the mail or around the block with the kids
Be on the Same Team with Parenting
Nothing strengthens a marriage in the child-raising season like feeling like partners rather than opponents.
Present a united front. Don’t contradict each other in front of the kids, even when you disagree. Discuss differences privately and come to agreements together.
Support his relationship with the kids. If he parents differently than you do (and he will), resist the urge to constantly correct unless it’s a safety issue. Let him figure out his own ways of connecting with them.
Share the mental load. Don’t expect him to read your mind about what needs to be done, but also don’t assume he doesn’t want to help. Be specific about what you need: “Could you handle baths tonight while I clean up dinner?”
Celebrate his wins as a father. When he successfully gets the baby to sleep or handles a toddler meltdown well, acknowledge it. Positive reinforcement works for husbands too.
Navigating Common Challenges
When You Feel Like Roommates
It’s normal to go through phases where you feel more like co-managers of a household than romantic partners. This doesn’t mean your marriage is failing – it means you’re in an intense season.
Acknowledge it openly. “I feel like we’ve been ships passing in the night lately. Can we figure out some small ways to reconnect?”
Prioritize even tiny moments of intimacy. This might be emotional intimacy (sharing fears or dreams) or physical intimacy (even just cuddling while watching TV). Don’t put pressure on yourselves for everything to be perfect.
Remember this is a season. Your kids won’t always need this level of hands-on care. The romance can be rebuilt when you have more bandwidth.
When You’re Touched Out
If you’re breastfeeding, carrying kids, having little ones climb on you all day, it’s completely normal to not want physical affection by the end of the day.
Communicate this kindly. “I love you and I’m not rejecting you, but I need a few minutes to just exist in my own body before I can give affection.”
Find other ways to be intimate. Hold hands, sit close while watching TV, give foot rubs, or just have real conversations.
Be honest about your capacity. There will be seasons where physical intimacy happens less frequently. That’s normal and okay when you’re both understanding and patient.
When He Doesn’t Understand
Your husband will never fully understand what it feels like to be pregnant, breastfeed, or experience the hormonal changes that come with motherhood. That’s not his fault.
Help him understand without expecting him to read your mind. “I know this seems like an overreaction, but my hormones are making everything feel more intense right now.”
Appreciate what he does understand. He might not get the physical exhaustion, but he probably understands feeling overwhelmed by responsibility.
Ask for specific support. Instead of “I need help,” try “Could you take the kids for an hour on Saturday morning so I can shower and have some quiet time?”
The Bigger Picture: Building Your Marriage for the Long Haul
Remember Your Foundation
Your marriage existed before your children, and Lord willing, it will exist after they leave home. The investments you make in your relationship now – even small ones – are building toward that future.
Pray for your husband regularly. Pray for his work, his challenges as a father, his relationship with God, and your relationship together.
Speak well of him to others. The way you talk about your husband to friends, family, and especially your children shapes how they see him and how you see him.
Choose to see the good. In the stress of parenting, it’s easy to focus on everything he’s not doing right. Intentionally notice and acknowledge what he is doing well.
Keep Growing Spiritually Together
Pray together when possible. Even if it’s just a quick prayer over dinner or before bed, praying together connects you spiritually.
Share what you’re learning in your Bible reading. Even a quick “I read something encouraging today” keeps spiritual conversation alive.
Attend church together when possible. If one of you needs to stay home with sick kids, try listening to the service online together later.
Talk about how you want to raise your children spiritually. Having shared goals for your family’s faith life strengthens your partnership.
Plan for Reconnection
Protect date nights when possible. Even if it’s just coffee after the kids are in bed or a quick lunch during work hours, prioritize time together.
Plan for future seasons. Talk about things you want to do together when the kids are older – trips you want to take, hobbies you want to share, dreams you have for your relationship.
Invest in your friendship. Remember what you enjoyed talking about before kids and try to maintain some of those conversations.
When You’re Struggling
If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed by the gap between these ideals and your reality, take a deep breath. God’s grace is sufficient for your marriage just like it’s sufficient for every other area of your life.
Start with one small thing. Don’t try to overhaul your entire approach to marriage overnight. Pick one suggestion from this post and try it for a week.
Remember that love is a choice, not just a feeling. On days when you don’t feel loving toward your husband, you can still choose to act lovingly. The feelings often follow the actions.
Seek help when needed. If your marriage is struggling beyond normal season-of-life stress, there’s no shame in seeking counseling or talking to a trusted mentor.
Give yourself grace. You’re not going to love perfectly. Neither is he. That’s why we need Jesus and His forgiveness in our marriages.
The Heart Behind It All
Sweet friend, loving your husband well in this season isn’t about being a perfect wife or having a perfect marriage. It’s about recognizing that your marriage is a gift from God that’s worth protecting and nurturing, even when it’s hard.
Your kids are watching how you treat each other. They’re learning about love, respect, partnership, and conflict resolution from your example. But more than that, God wants to use your marriage to shape both of you into His image – teaching you patience, forgiveness, selflessness, and unconditional love.
Some days you’ll nail it. Other days you’ll snap at each other over who forgot to switch the laundry. Both are normal. The goal isn’t perfection – it’s faithfulness to keep showing up, keep choosing love, and keep leaning into God’s grace for your marriage.
Moving Forward with Hope
Remember that this intense season of hands-on parenting is relatively short in the context of your entire marriage. The sleepless nights won’t last forever. The constant physical demands will decrease. Your capacity for romance and deep conversation will return.
But the habits you build now – of choosing kindness when you’re tired, speaking respectfully when you’re frustrated, prioritizing small moments of connection – these will serve your marriage for decades to come.
You’re not just surviving this season – you’re building something beautiful together. Your marriage can actually grow stronger through the challenges of raising children, not despite them.
What’s one small way you can love your husband well this week? It doesn’t have to be perfect or profound. Just start where you are with what you have.
Your marriage is worth the investment, mama. And God is cheering you on every step of the way.
With love and encouragement, Mish
P.S. If you’re feeling like you’re failing at this whole wife thing, please know that you’re not alone. We’re all figuring it out as we go, and God’s grace covers our imperfect attempts to love well. Give yourself the same grace you’d give a dear friend.
