Hey sweet friends,
Can we talk about something that’s been coming up a lot in my DMs lately? I keep getting questions about romance novels – specifically, the “spicy” ones that seem to be everywhere right now. From BookTok to book club recommendations, it feels like everyone is talking about these steamier reads, and many of you are wondering: as Christians, where do we draw the line?
I’ll be honest – this isn’t a topic I ever thought I’d be writing about on my blog. But after getting so many thoughtful, genuine questions from women who are trying to navigate their love of reading with their faith, I realized we need to have this conversation with grace, wisdom, and a lot of nuance.
So grab a cup of coffee (or tea), and let’s dive into this together – no judgment, just honest conversation about how we can think biblically about the books we choose to read.
What Are We Actually Talking About?
First, let’s define our terms. When people say “spicy” fiction these days, Most sensual romance (from Redeeming Love, Bound and Determined by moi, everything by Julie Lessman) focuses on past sexual sins, prostitution, etc., and can help readers deal with their past trauma and confront their unhealthy habits. they’re usually referring to romance novels with explicit sexual content – what used to be called “steamy” or “sensual” romance.
This can range from books with detailed intimate scenes to what’s essentially erotica with a plot. The “spice level” has become a rating system of sorts, with readers warning each other about content levels before recommending books.
It’s worth noting that this isn’t just secular fiction we’re talking about. Even in Christian romance, there’s a spectrum from “sweet” (minimal physical contact) to books that push the boundaries of what traditional Christian publishing would accept.
The Biblical Foundation: What Does Scripture Say?
When we’re trying to figure out what’s appropriate for us to read as believers, we need to start with what God’s Word says about guarding our hearts and minds.
Philippians 4:8 – The Gold Standard
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
This is probably the verse most often cited in discussions about Christian media consumption, and for good reason. A good test is whether we could honestly say we could read from the novel out loud to Jesus and feel comfortable in doing so. If the romance novel contains anything that is not honorable, pure, lovely or admirable, then we are not to “think about” it.
The question becomes: can explicit sexual content meet these criteria? This is where Christians might have different convictions based on their understanding of Scripture and their personal walk with God.
Guarding Our Hearts
Proverbs 4:23 reminds us to “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” The things we allow into our minds through books, movies, and other media do shape our thoughts, expectations, and desires.
It is important not to let novels, movies, or TV shows influence our perception of what is real. Many people watch TV or read books and begin to think those stories portray life as it is “supposed” to be. They then risk becoming disillusioned with their own lives, which don’t line up with “life” as portrayed in the books or movies.
The Question of Lust
Matthew 5:28 talks about looking at someone lustfully, but does reading about fictional characters fall into this category? This is where personal conviction and wisdom come into play. Some Christians feel that reading explicit scenes can fuel unhealthy fantasies or create unrealistic expectations for their marriages, while others don’t find it personally problematic.
The Spectrum of Romance Fiction
Not all romance is created equal, and understanding the different categories can help us make more informed decisions.
Sweet Romance
These books focus on emotional connection with minimal physical intimacy – maybe some kissing and hand-holding. Most traditional Christian publishers fall into this category.
Sensual Romance
These books include more detailed romantic scenes but typically keep the most intimate moments behind closed doors or use euphemisms rather than explicit language. Most sensual romance (from Redeeming Love, Bound and Determined by moi, everything by Julie Lessman) focuses on past sexual sins, prostitution, etc., and can help readers deal with their past trauma and confront their unhealthy habits.
Erotic Romance
These books include explicit sexual content as a central part of the story. The “spicy” books trending on social media typically fall into this category.
Potential Concerns from a Christian Perspective
As we think about this topic, there are several concerns that come up frequently:
Unrealistic Expectations
Romance novels, especially the more explicit ones, often present an idealized version of physical intimacy that doesn’t reflect real life. This can create disappointment or dissatisfaction in marriage when reality doesn’t match fiction.
Feeding Fantasy Life
For some readers, explicit romance fiction can fuel fantasy life in ways that feel inappropriate or unhealthy. This might be especially challenging for single women or those in difficult seasons of marriage.
Desensitization
Regular consumption of explicit content can gradually shift our comfort levels and what we consider “normal” or acceptable.
Time and Focus
Any reading habit that becomes compulsive or interferes with our relationships, responsibilities, or spiritual life is worth examining.
Influence on Our Marriages
How might the idealized relationships and perfect communication portrayed in romance novels affect how we view our real marriages and husbands?
Potential Benefits: The Other Side of the Conversation
It’s only fair to acknowledge that many Christian women find value in romance novels, even steamier ones:
Exploring Intimacy in Marriage
For married Christian women, some find that romance novels help them think about physical intimacy in positive ways, especially if they’ve struggled with shame or negative messages about sex.
Processing Past Trauma
Some women find that reading about characters who’ve experienced similar struggles helps them process their own experiences with healing and redemption.
Marriage Enrichment
Some couples find that reading romance together or discussing what they’ve read can actually enhance their communication and intimacy.
Simply Enjoying God’s Gift of Creativity
Romance is part of how God designed us, and some argue that celebrating love stories – even imperfect fictional ones – honors that design.
Personal Conviction vs. Universal Rules
Here’s where this gets tricky: Scripture doesn’t give us a specific list of which books are okay to read and which aren’t. We have principles to guide us, but we also need to exercise wisdom and listen to the Holy Spirit’s conviction in our own lives.
Questions for Personal Reflection
Rather than giving you a list of “approved” or “banned” books, I think it’s more helpful to share some questions I ask myself:
About the content:
- Does this book glorify sin or present it as consequence-free?
- Are the characters’ choices aligned with biblical principles?
- Does this content help me think about love, marriage, and intimacy in healthy ways?
About my response:
- How do I feel after reading this? Encouraged? Dissatisfied? Ashamed?
- Is this affecting my contentment in my own life and marriage?
- Am I being secretive about what I’m reading, and if so, why?
About my spiritual life:
- Is this drawing me closer to God or creating distance?
- Does this align with what I believe honors Him?
- Am I seeking God’s wisdom about my reading choices?
The Importance of Individual Conscience
Romans 14 talks about matters of conscience where Christians might have different convictions. What one person can read without stumbling, another person might need to avoid completely.
The key is being honest with yourself about how different types of content affect you personally, and not judging others who might draw different lines than you do.
Practical Wisdom for Book Selection
If you’re trying to be more intentional about your reading choices, here are some practical tips:
Research Before You Read
- Check content warnings and reviews
- Ask trusted friends for their perspective
- Look up the book’s “spice level” if you’re unsure
- Start with authors whose content you know aligns with your values
Set Personal Guidelines
- Decide what types of content you’re comfortable with before you’re in the middle of a book
- Consider what times or seasons of life might require different boundaries
- Be willing to put a book down if it’s not edifying
Have Accountability
- Share your reading list with a trusted friend or your spouse
- Be open about what you’re reading rather than secretive
- If you’re struggling with compulsive reading or inappropriate fantasy, consider seeking help
The Marriage Factor: Reading as a Wife
For those of us who are married, there’s an additional layer to consider: how does our reading affect our marriages?
Communication with Your Spouse
I think it’s important to be open with your husband about what you’re reading. This doesn’t mean you need permission, but transparency is healthy. Some couples even read romance novels together or discuss them, while others prefer to keep their reading separate.
Guarding Against Comparison
Romance novels often feature men who are incredibly attentive, always say the right thing, and never leave their socks on the floor. It’s important to remember these are fantasy characters, not realistic expectations for our real husbands.
Using Fiction to Enhance Reality
Some women find that romance novels actually help their marriages by sparking conversations about love languages, physical intimacy, or relationship goals. The key is using fiction as a starting point for real connection, not as an escape from it.
What About Our Daughters?
As mothers, we also need to think about how our reading choices might influence the young women in our lives.
Modeling Healthy Boundaries
Our daughters are watching how we make decisions about media consumption. This is an opportunity to model thoughtful decision-making rather than legalistic rules or unrestricted consumption.
Age-Appropriate Conversations
As our girls get older, we can have age-appropriate conversations about love, relationships, and physical intimacy that give them a biblical foundation before they encounter these themes in fiction.
Creating Safe Spaces for Questions
We want our daughters to feel comfortable coming to us with questions about what they’re reading or seeing, rather than feeling like they have to hide their curiosity.
Alternative Options
For those who love romance but want to be more selective about content:
Clean Romance Authors
There are many talented authors writing romance without explicit content. Some popular Christian romance authors include Karen Kingsbury, Francine Rivers, and Janette Oke.
Sweet Contemporary Romance
Even in secular publishing, there are authors who write “clean” or “sweet” romance with minimal sexual content.
Historical Romance
Often (though not always) historical romances tend to be less explicit than contemporary ones, focusing more on emotional connection and romantic tension.
Young Adult Romance
YA romance typically has less sexual content, though you’ll want to check individual titles.
Finding Balance and Grace
Here’s what I want you to hear, sweet friend: there’s no shame in enjoying romance novels. There’s also no shame in deciding that certain types of content aren’t right for you.
The goal isn’t to create a new set of legalistic rules, but to help each other think biblically and make wise choices based on our individual convictions and circumstances.
If You’re Struggling
If you find that romance reading is becoming compulsive, creating dissatisfaction in your marriage, or pulling you away from healthy relationships and responsibilities, it might be time to take a break or seek help.
If You’re Judging Others
If you find yourself looking down on other Christians who make different choices about romance novels, remember that we all have different areas of strength and struggle. Show grace.
If You’re Feeling Judged
If others are making you feel guilty about your reading choices, remember that your relationship with God is personal. Seek His wisdom rather than trying to please everyone else.
My Personal Approach
Since you’ve asked, I’ll share my own perspective, while acknowledging that this might not be right for everyone.
I do read romance novels occasionally, but I’m selective about content. I tend to prefer books that:
- Show healthy relationship dynamics
- Don’t include explicit sexual scenes
- Present marriage and commitment positively
- Don’t glorify sin or present it without consequences
I avoid books that make me feel dissatisfied with my own life or marriage, and I try to be open with my husband about what I’m reading. I also pray for wisdom when I’m choosing books and ask God to convict me if something isn’t edifying.
The Heart of the Matter
Ultimately, this isn’t really about romance novels – it’s about our hearts and our relationship with God. He cares about every area of our lives, including what we read, because He loves us and wants what’s best for us.
Whatever you decide about “spicy” fiction, make sure it’s a decision made in prayer, with wisdom, and with consideration for how it affects your walk with God and your relationships with others.
As in all things, wisdom is available from God who promises to give it without finding fault (James 1:5). We can ask God to convict us of things that may be questionable, and His Spirit will speak to our hearts as we yield to Him for guidance.
Moving Forward with Wisdom
My encouragement to you is this: don’t let anyone else’s convictions – including mine – substitute for your own relationship with God and personal study of His Word.
Seek His wisdom, be honest about how different types of content affect you personally, show grace to others who might draw different lines, and remember that our ultimate goal is to honor God in every area of our lives.
What questions do you have about navigating this topic? I’d love to continue this conversation with grace and understanding.
Here’s to reading good books and growing closer to Jesus, Mish
P.S. If you’re looking for book recommendations – whether clean romance, Christian fiction, or other genres – I’m always happy to share favorites! Feel free to reach out.
