Hey sweet friends,
I’ve been getting so many messages lately asking for my thoughts on the “trad wife” trend that’s been all over social media. You know the one – Content featuring “tradwives” – women who value being a traditional wife, subscribing to homemaking and conventional gender roles – has flooded social media.
Maybe you’ve seen the beautifully curated videos of women in flowing dresses making sourdough from scratch, homeschooling their children in sun-drenched kitchens, and talking about the joy of serving their families. Or perhaps you’ve read some of the heated debates about whether this trend is empowering or harmful to women.
As a Christian stay-at-home mom who loves homemaking, I feel like I have a foot in both worlds here. I see the appeal, but I also see some concerning elements. So let’s dive into this topic with grace, wisdom, and a lot of nuance – because honestly, that’s what this conversation desperately needs.
What Exactly Is the Trad Wife Trend?
A tradwife (a neologism for traditional wife or traditional housewife) is a woman who believes in and practices traditional gender roles and marriages. Some may choose to take a homemaking role within their marriage, and others leave their careers to focus on meeting their family’s needs in the home.
The movement really gained momentum around 2018 and exploded during the pandemic. While the origins of the term tradwife are unclear, the content itself dates back to around 2018, when women leaning into traditional roles in the family began spotlighting their part-aesthetic, part-ideological lives on social media.
What we see online are often stunning visuals: women in vintage-inspired dresses, immaculate farmhouse kitchens, children playing peacefully while mom bakes bread from scratch, and captions about the fulfillment found in serving their husbands and raising their children.
The Appeal: Why This Resonates with So Many Women
I’ll be honest – I understand why this content is appealing. As someone who chose to stay home with my kids and genuinely loves homemaking, I see the heart behind some of it.
The Desire for Simplicity In our overwhelmingly busy world, there’s something deeply attractive about a slower, more intentional way of life. “I am a Gen Z woman, and I wanted to be a ‘tradwife’ just a few years ago. Obviously, I can’t speak for everybody, but this desire came from a romanticization of the past and dissatisfaction with how women are treated in both work and education.”
The idea of focusing on family, home, and creating beauty in everyday tasks speaks to many women who feel burned out by the demands of modern life.
Biblical Homemaking For Christian women especially, there’s biblical precedent for valuing homemaking and family life. Proverbs 31, Titus 2, and other passages celebrate women who care well for their households. There’s nothing wrong with finding purpose and joy in these roles.
Pushback Against “Having It All” Pressure Many women are exhausted by the pressure to excel in careers while also being perfect mothers and wives. The trad wife movement offers permission to focus on one area without guilt.
The Beauty of Intentional Living There’s genuinely something beautiful about making things from scratch, creating a peaceful home environment, and being present for your children’s daily moments.
The Concerning Elements: Where I See Problems
While I appreciate the heart behind wanting to prioritize family and home, I have some serious concerns about how this trend is playing out online.
The Instagram vs. Reality Problem
The image they showcase is a fantasy… trad wives create content that is curated to be consumed What we see in these carefully curated posts isn’t real life. Through the lens of the camera, we see them make mozzarella from scratch, use their own sourdough starter, and aid their children in portraying a perfect life. We don’t exactly see them do the tasks we all dread like cleaning the bathroom as it is all a staged view of this lifestyle.
Real homemaking includes mundane tasks, sick children, bad days, and moments when you’re too tired to make dinner from scratch. Presenting only the highlight reel sets unrealistic expectations for other women.
The Financial Reality Most Don’t Address
In other words, you can choose to be a tradwife if you have a tradhusband This lifestyle requires significant financial privilege that most families simply don’t have. A one-income household is idyllic, something that is not shown in the allure of the videos that come up on our content feeds. This fiscal leverage allows women to make the choice to become stay-at-home mothers as not everyone can, even if it is within their agency to become one they can’t necessarily pursue that pathway.
Many of the most popular trad wife influencers come from wealthy backgrounds, which allows them the luxury of choice that others don’t have. Promoting this lifestyle without acknowledging the financial requirements can make struggling families feel inadequate.
The Concerning Elements of Some Content
Some trad wife content goes beyond celebrating homemaking into problematic territory:
- Promoting submission without discussing healthy boundaries or mutual respect
- Suggesting that women who work outside the home are failing their families
- Presenting one lifestyle as the only biblical or moral choice for women
- Sometimes connecting to concerning ideological movements
The author of the piece, Megan Agnew, wrote that it was very difficult to have a conversation with Neeleman on her own, as her husband hovered around the interview and often interjected to speak over his wife or answer questions. Stories like this raise red flags about whether some of these relationships are truly healthy partnerships.
The Performance Aspect
But many of these women — often clad in old-timey house dresses, hair bows and strings of pearls — are also considered influencers, documenting their labour as wives and mothers in a highly curated home environments and adding a shiny gloss to their daily chores with artfully-styled Instagram reels and TikTok videos.
There’s irony in making money by performing traditional femininity online while claiming to reject modern women’s work culture.
A Biblical Perspective on Womanhood and Homemaking
As Christians, we need to approach this topic with biblical wisdom rather than cultural trends. Here’s what I believe Scripture teaches:
God values homemaking and family life. The Proverbs 31 woman is celebrated for her care of her household, and Paul instructs older women to teach younger women to love their husbands and children (Titus 2:3-5).
But biblical womanhood is diverse. Even in Proverbs 31, we see a woman who works outside the home – she buys and sells property, runs a business, and contributes to the family income. Lydia was a businesswoman. Deborah was a judge. God uses women in many different roles.
Submission is about mutual love and respect, not inequality. Ephesians 5 calls wives to submit to their husbands, but it also calls husbands to love sacrificially and for all believers to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21).
We should be careful about creating extra-biblical rules. When we suggest that all godly women must stay home or that working mothers are failing their families, we’re adding requirements that Scripture doesn’t clearly mandate.
Finding Balance: What I Think Is Healthy
I believe there’s a healthy middle ground that celebrates biblical homemaking without falling into the problematic aspects of the online trend:
Celebrate choice without judgment. Some women are called to focus primarily on home and family. Others are called to use their gifts in the workplace while also caring for their families. Both can be biblical.
Pursue excellence without perfectionism. Yes, let’s care well for our homes and families. But let’s also be honest about the reality of daily life and give each other grace for the hard days.
Value homemaking without idealizing the past. We can appreciate traditional skills and slower living without ignoring the very real problems that women faced in previous eras.
Focus on heart over aesthetics. The goal isn’t to look like an Instagram post. It’s to love our families well and create homes filled with God’s peace and presence.
Maintain perspective on privilege. If you have the financial freedom to stay home, be grateful for it without suggesting that all families should make the same choice.
Practical Wisdom for Navigating This Trend
If you’re drawn to aspects of the trad wife content, here are some questions to consider:
What specifically appeals to you? Is it the slower pace? The focus on family? The beautiful homemaking? You can pursue these things without adopting the entire ideology.
Are you comparing your real life to someone’s highlight reel? Remember that social media never shows the full picture.
What does your husband actually want? Many men today want true partners, not submissive housekeepers. Have honest conversations about your roles and expectations.
Can you afford this lifestyle? Be realistic about your family’s financial needs and don’t go into debt trying to live someone else’s Instagram life.
Are you feeling judged by this content? If trad wife content makes you feel guilty about working outside the home or not being “traditional” enough, it might be time to unfollow those accounts.
For Working Moms Feeling Inadequate
If you’re a working mom feeling discouraged by this trend, please hear me: you are not failing your family. Many women work out of necessity, calling, or both, and God can use you powerfully in whatever role He’s called you to.
Your worth isn’t determined by whether you make sourdough from scratch or buy bread from the store. Your children don’t need a perfect Instagram-worthy home – they need a mom who loves them well, and that can happen whether you’re home full-time or not.
For Stay-at-Home Moms Wanting to Avoid the Extremes
If you’re a stay-at-home mom who loves homemaking but wants to avoid the problematic aspects of the trad wife trend:
- Focus on your actual family’s needs rather than creating content-worthy moments
- Maintain friendships and interests outside your home role
- Don’t feel pressure to make everything from scratch or look perfect
- Remember that seasons change, and your role might evolve over time
- Pursue partnership with your husband rather than one-sided submission
The Heart Behind the Home
At the end of the day, what matters most isn’t whether you fit into the “trad wife” category or not. What matters is whether you’re following God’s calling for your life and loving your family well within your unique circumstances.
Some women are called to focus primarily on home and family. Others are called to use their gifts in the workplace while also caring for their families. Some seasons require different focuses than others. All of these can be honoring to God when pursued with love and wisdom.
The danger comes when we turn personal choices into universal mandates, when we prioritize appearance over authenticity, or when we use our platforms to make other women feel inadequate for making different choices.
Moving Forward with Wisdom
I think we can appreciate the beautiful aspects of homemaking and traditional values without buying into everything the online trad wife trend represents. We can celebrate women who choose to focus on home and family while also celebrating women who use their gifts in other ways.
Most importantly, we can remember that our identity and worth come from being daughters of the King, not from how well we fit into any cultural trend – whether that’s the “boss babe” culture or the “trad wife” movement.
Let’s pursue biblical womanhood with wisdom, grace, and love for one another, regardless of what our daily lives look like.
What are your thoughts on this trend? I’d love to hear your perspective and continue this conversation with grace and understanding.
Here’s to loving our families well in whatever season God has us in, Mish
P.S. If you’re struggling with comparison or feeling inadequate because of social media trends, please know that your worth comes from God alone. He sees your heart to love your family well, and that’s what truly matters.
